Finding Motivation: What To Do When You Don't Feel Like Doing Anything by Chris Widener
The measure of your success usually comes down to who wins the battle that rages between the two of you. The ‘you’ who wants to stop, give up, or take it easy, and the ‘you’ who chooses to beat back that which would stand in the way of your success - complacency.” Chris Widener
In all of my interactions with people, I've never found anyone, regardless of their level of success, who doesn't sometimes find themselves simply not wanting to do the things that they need and want to do. It is a part of human nature that there will be times that, in spite of all that we need to do, and even desire to, we will find ourselves not wanting to do anything. And what separates those who will become successful from those who will maintain the status-quo, is the ability at those very crucial moments of time when we are making decisions about what we will do, to choose to find the inner motivation that will enable us to conquer our complacency and move on in action.
I find that I confront this issue in my life on a regular basis, so the following success strategies are not merely pie in the sky techniques, but proven ways to get yourself to go even when you don't feel like doing anything.
Honestly evaluate whether or not you need a break.This is the first thing that I usually do what I find that I don't want to get to a specific action. The fact is that oftentimes we will have been working very hard and the lethargy we are feeling is really our body and emotions telling us that we simply need a break. And this is where it takes real intellectual honesty because when we don't need a break our mind is still telling us we need a break! But sometimes we do need a break. I'll give you a good example. I don't particularly like to exercise, but I do almost every day. Sometimes, I find myself before going to the club thinking about how I just didn't feel like going. Most of the time I am just being lazy. However, sometimes I realize that my body needs a break. So from time to time I will take a one or two daybreak from working out. The benefits of this are two-fold: One, my body gets a break to regenerate itself. Two, after a day or two, I begin to miss my workout, and eagerly anticipate a turning to the gym.
Other examples: Perhaps you are a salesman who has been phoning clients for a week straight, day and night. You wake up one morning and just don’t feel like doing it any more. Well, take a break for the morning. Go to a coffee shop and read the paper. Go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. Take a break and then get back to it!
Start small.I'm at a point in my workout schedule now where a typical workout day for me consists of 30 to 45 minutes of aerobic exercise, and about 30 minutes of weight lifting. So when I find myself not wanting to get up and go to the gym, I will sometimes make a commitment to go and just do a smaller workout. Instead of deciding not to go, I'll commit to doing 15 to 20 minutes of aerobic exercise and 15 to 30 minutes of weight lifting. This is also good for two reasons. One, I actually get some exercise that day. And two, it keeps me from getting into a cycle of giving up when I don't feel like moving toward action. Other examples: Maybe you are a writer who simply doesn’t want to write today. Instead of the long day writing you had planned, decide that you will at least outline a couple of new articles. You will at least get these done, and you may have found that you put yourself into the writing mood after all.
Change your routine.I have found that what keeps me in the best shape and burns the most calories for me, is to do 30 to 45 minutes on the treadmill every day. Now let me be very blunt. I find running on the treadmill to be extremely boring. Usually I can get myself to do it, but sometimes I need to vary my routine. So instead of 30 to 45 minutes on a treadmill, I will break down my aerobic exercise routine into a number of different areas. I will do ten to 15 minutes on treadmills, 10 to 15 minutes on the reclining cycle, 5 to 10 minutes on the rowing machine, 5 to 10 minutes on the stair stepper, and then back on to the treadmill for five to 10 minutes. I still get my exercise, but I'm bored a lot less.
Other examples: Maybe you are in construction and you have been working on the plumbing for a week, and it is getting monotonous. Don’t do the plumbing today! Go frame-in the office.
Reward yourself.One way that I motivate myself to do something when I don't feel like doing it, is to tell myself that if I get through the work that I need to, I will give myself a little reward. For instance, I may tell myself if I to get up and go to the club I can take five to 10 minutes off my treadmill exercise, which will shorten my workout routine, and I'll allow myself to sit in the hot tub for a few extra minutes. Hey, it works!
Other examples: Maybe you are a mortgage broker who feels like sleeping in. Tell yourself that after the next three mortgages you close you will take your kids to the fair, or your spouse to the movies. Maybe you’ll give yourself a night on the town with old friends.
Reconnect the action with pleasure rather than pain.Psychologists have long told us that we humans tend to connect every action with either pleasure or pain. Tony Robbins has popularized this even further in the last few years with something he calls Neural Associations. That is, we connect every action with either a pleasure, or pain. When we are finding ourselves lacking motivation, what we are probably finding about ourselves is that we are associating the action that we are thinking about with pain, rather than pleasure. For instance, when I'm considering that not going to the health club on any given day, I am usually associating going and working out with having no time, the pain of exercising and weight lifting, or the boringness of running on a treadmill for an extended period of time. What I can do to re-associate is to remind myself that by going in and doing my exercise I will feel better about myself, I will lose weight, and I will live longer. This brings me pleasure. When we begin to run those kinds of tapes through our minds, we find our internal motivating force unleashed and changing our attitude about the action that we are considering.
Other examples: Maybe you are a counselor who really doesn’t want to spend the day listening to people. Your association may be that it will be boring, or that you will be inside while it is sunny outside. Instead, re-associate yourself to the truth of the matter: Someone will be better off because of your care and concern. Think of your clients and the progression they have been making recently and how you have been a part of that.
The 17.5 Strategies, Guidelines, and Rules of Connecting an excerpt from Jeffrey’s newest bestseller, The Little Black Book of Connections
IMPORTANT NOTE: Like any other process, connecting has rules and strategies. You may know some of them, but odds are you don’t know them all. These strategies and rules are simplistic -- but they are not simple. As you read them and begin to understand them, they will help you make connections in a better, more powerful way. Oh, one other thing -- you have to implement them.
Be friendly first, and everything else falls into place. Friendly breeds likability and trust. People do business with people they like and people they trust. The twin of friendly is smiley. People who smile are 100 times more attractive than people who don’t. Smiling not only sets the tone for others, it’s the reflection you give them about who you are and how you think. How friendly are you? How easy is it for you to make friends?
Project your self-image in a way that breeds confidence in others. Your handshake is an indicator of your self-image. So is your dress. Everything from your hair to your shoes is an indicator of who you are, and what your style may be, or not be. Projected image creates first impressions. And even though first impressions are not always correct, they are the ones that stick in the mind of the other person until corrected. What is the image that you have of yourself? What kind of image do you think you project? Is that image acceptable to those you seek to connect with?
Your ability to look someone in the eye as you speak to them is a tell-tale sign of your own self-respect. Make eye contact. It’s not only a display of confidence, it’s a display of truth and a display of respect for the other person. Do you find it easy to make eye contact? Do you find it a sign of weakness when others do not make eye contact with you?
Your consistent positive attitude will breed positive responses and positive results. Everyone knows it’s important to have a positive attitude. Very few people understand how important a role it plays in the way you communicate and the way you are perceived by others. Without a positive attitude, your words become cynical and slanted. Without a positive attitude, your demeanor becomes borderline or unacceptable. Positive attitude needs to be there all the time, in the background, as fuel to run your engine of life, without toxic emissions. Do you expect to have a positive attitude if you are not doing something positive in the morning every day?
No connection is made without some form of risk. Dare yourself, accept the dare, and take the risk to make the connection. My philosophy of “no risk, no nothing” is most evident in making connections. You can lower your risk tolerance and risk barrier by being prepared, having the self-confidence, and projecting the image to take a short walk out on a thick limb to make the next connection. Have you ever taken a risk and succeeded? Didn’t it seem like less of a risk after the event was over than before you were willing to take it? Ask yourself why you’re avoiding the risk rather than simply making an excuse about it.
“Ninety percent of success is showing up,” is a quote made famous by Woody Allen. He almost had it right. The principle is: Ninety percent of success is showing up prepared. Preparation is the key to success. Luckily for you, most people are either underprepared or unprepared. There’s no such thing as being overprepared. CAUTION: Preparation requires work. Homework. Before hours and after hours work. If you are looking to connect, preparation is not the best way. Preparation is the only way. When you show up to a networking event, how prepared are you? When you go to some kind of connection meeting, either business or social, how prepared are you?
The less you focus on your motive to meet, the more likely it is that your connection will be successful. Most people trying to connect have some sort of motive or need. That’s OK, depending upon when you make the ask. In my opinion, it should be later than sooner. First seek friendship and acceptance. In other words, drop your agenda and focus on connecting, not extracting. Is your focus short-term gain, or a long-term relationship?
Take a genuine interest in other people before you ask them to take a genuine interest in you. If you’re trying to connect with another person, it seems obvious you’d want to get to know them. Not just qualify them, but to learn from them. The best way to find out about other people is to ask questions. Do you have a list of questions prepared in advance that will bring you an understanding of who you’re meeting with?
The sooner you can find something in common with the other guy, the sooner all the barriers will disappear. The link is not the secret. Finding it is. Find common ground, and you’ll always have something to talk about. Think about the closest friends and the closest connections you have made throughout your life. I’ll guarantee you the foundation is filled with things you have in common. Are you willing to devote the time that it takes to uncover things you may have in common with a prime connection?
The higher up the ladder you go, the more cautious people will be of your advances. Everyone wants to make powerful connections. A bigger question is: Do the powerful people want to make a connection with you? That depends on value, engagement, and the interest that you generate. In general, people with wealth are in no hurry to make big decisions. Don’t you be either. Build confidence and build trust by going slower than you think you should. Are you trying for higher-level connections? Are they responding in a favorable way?
Your projected image will often determine your ability to make a real connection. It’s not “class,” it’s “first class.” And image leads to reputation. How are people referring to you behind your back?
People judge you by every action that you take. They keep mental bookmarks about the promises you make and how you fulfilled them. You MUST always give a first class performance. You can’t just look first class, you gotta take first class action and do everything in a first class way. Do you always do what you say you will do? Do people refer to you as first class?
The Art of Schmoozing
“It's not what you know or who you know, but who knows you.”
Susan RoAne.
The Guy Kawasaki Theory of Schmoozing version 1.0 was ad hoc: get to know the people that you need for a specific deal. It was short-term and focused.Version 2.0 is ad infinitum--maybe even ad nauseam. It's taken me twenty years, but I've figured out that it's much easier to make a sale, build partnerships, create joint ventures--you name it--with people that you already know than with people you just met.
The key is to establish a relationship before you need it. And this is why I'd like to provide the art of schmoozing.
Understand the goal. Darcy Rezac in his book,
The Frog and the Prince, wrote the world's best definition of schmoozing: “Discovering what you can do for someone else.” Herein lies eighty percent of the battle: great schmoozers want to know what they can do for you, not what the you can do for them. If you understand this, the rest is just mechanics.
Get out. Schmoozing is an analog, contact sport. You can't do it alone from your office on the phone or via a computer. You may hate them but force yourself to go to tradeshows, conventions, and seminars. It's unlikely that you'll be closing a big order with someone you met online at MySpace or via Skype. Get out there and press flesh.
Ask good questions, then shut up. The mark of a good conversationalist is not that you can talk a lot. The mark is that you can get others to talk a lot. Thus, good schmoozers are good listeners, not good talkers. Ask softball questions like, “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “What brings you to this event?” Then listen. Ironically, you'll be remembered as an interesting person.
Unveil your passions. Only talking about business is boring. Good schmoozers unveil their passions after they get to know you. Great schmoozers lead off with their passions. Your passions make you an interesting person--you'll stick out because you're the only person not talking about 802.11 chipsets at the wireless conference. Personally, my passions are children, Macintosh, Breitling watches, digital photography, and hockey if you ever meet me.
Read voraciously. In order to be a good schmoozer, you need to read voraciously--and not just the EE Times, PC Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. You need a broad base of knowledge so that you can access a vast array of information during conversations. Even if you are a pathetic passionless person, you can at least be a well-read one who can talk about a variety of topics.
Follow up. Over the course of my career, I've given away thousands of business cards. At one point, I thought I was nuts because if all those people called or emailed me, I'd never get anything done. Funny thing: hardly anyone ever follows up. Frankly, I don't know why people bother asking for a business card if they're not going to follow up. Great schmoozers follow up within twenty-four hours--just a short email will do: “Nice to meet you. I hope we can do something together. Hope your blog is doing well. I loved your Breitling watch. I have two tickets to the Stanley Cup Finals if you want to attend.” Include at least one thing to show the recipient that she isn't getting a canned email.
Make it easy to get in touch. Many people who want to be great schmoozers, ironically, don't make it easy to get in touch with them. They don't carry business cards, or their business cards don't have phone numbers and email addresses. Even if they provide this information, it's in grey six-point type. This is great if you're schmoozing teenagers, but if you want old, rich, famous, and powerful people to call or email, you'd better use a twelve-point font. (These are the same folks that need the thirty-point font vis-a-vis the
10/20/30 Rule of PowerPoint.)
Give favors. One of my great pleasures in life is helping other people; I believe there's a big Karmic scoreboard in the sky. God is keeping track of the good that you do, and She is particularly pleased when you give favors without the expectation of return from the recipient. The scoreboard always pays back. You can also guess that I strongly believe in returning favors for people who have helped you.
Ask for the return of favors. Good schmoozers give favors. Good schmoozers also return favors. However, great schmoozers ask for the return of favors. You may find this puzzling: Isn't it better to keep someone indebted to you? The answer is no, and this is because keeping someone indebted to you puts undue pressure on your relationship. Any decent person feels guilty and indebted. By asking for, and receiving, a return favor, you clear the decks, relieve the pressure, and set up for a whole new round of give and take. After a few rounds of give and take, you're best friends, and you have mastered the art of schmoozing.
Written at: Walt Disney World Dolphin Hotel, Orlando, Florida.
6 Steps to a Stronger Mind by Mark Victor Hansen
Our minds are all we've got. They are the source of who we, both personally and professionally, are. They determine our success or failure. They are our strength and our weakness.
With the quality of our entire lives resting on our minds, it's unbelievable that we choose to fill them with so much garbage. The amount of negativity from television, newspapers, tabloids and other media that bombards us on a daily basis is amazing. We would never think to fill our bodies with only junk food, right? Heck no. We know that if we ate nothing but French fries and ice cream we would experience negative consequences like skin blemishes, weight gain and rotting teeth.
But with mental junk food we don´t see the physical consequences right away. When our minds are constantly filled with negativity and bad news, our minds begin to decay. That´s why we need to develop a strong, Herculean-esque mind.
Developing your mental muscles will give you the power to accomplish anything you want in life. Sure, it takes some discipline on your part, but look at the world's greatest bodybuilders. They don't show up at the gym every once in a while. They create a workout schedule and they are at the gym every day, no matter what.
Hire yourself as your "mental manager". Figure out how much you're going to pay yourself and make up a job list. Here are six jobs to assign to yourself to create a stronger mind.
1. Read RightHow much good news do you see in the newspapers? Editors usually say, "If it bleeds, it leads." Not much chance of positivity there. So, read something else. Read books – good books. Books that motivate you. Books that inspire you. Look up some of the great inspirational authors online or in your local bookstore. Read them every morning and/or every night, before you go to sleep.
2. Share Your MindFind someone, or a group of someone's, who have the same desire to share positivity. This is called masterminding. Great successes are created when great minds come together and think about the same things.
3. Find A MentorMy mentor was Buckminster Fuller and I learned more from that man about life than I ever hoped to. Who are the people you admire most, whether you know them or not? Figure out whom you'd like to emulate and study them. If they offer seminars, attend them. If they've written books, read them. Just a few I´d recommend are: Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer and Zig Ziglar.
4. Listen to Motivational/Inspirational CDs and DVDsThis is one of the most important habits you can create for yourself. Find inspirational audio messages and listen to them over and over. Earl Nightingale, one of the most brilliant thinkers of our time, had this to say on the subject: "Tape listening is the most important advance in technology since the invention of the printing press." With CDs speakers can reach 10 times as many people as the printed word ever could.
5. Sign Up and Attend SeminarsThe motivational messages you hear at seminars, and the inspirational people you meet, reinforce your self-esteem and positive thinking. You can search out seminars via the internet, newspapers or local colleges and universities.
6. Turn Off the TelevisionOn average, the television set in an American home is on over 7 hours a day. Just like any bad habit, it needs to be broken. I'm not saying that all television is bad. Heck no. I'm simply recommending that you cut back on your television viewing. Decide how long you're going to watch television and then turn it off when you're time is up. Try cutting back your television viewing one hour every day at first. You can use that time to read a book, listen to a motivational tape, walk your dog or spend time with your family.
After reading these six steps maybe you're saying, "But Mark, I can´t do it. I just don´t know if I can be this dedicated to bettering myself?" Who else are you going to be dedicated to if not yourself? Because when it comes right down to it, folks, you are all that you've got. Jobs and relationships come and go. Children grow up, leave the nest and get lives of their own. Then there you are, alone with yourself. Why not create a "you" you can be proud of.
'Amaze yourself; manifest your full potential.'
Mark Victor Hansen
